My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
I was not drunk enough for that final.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
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