I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
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