I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
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Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
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You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
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