the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
My vagina just recognized that song.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
I want her autograph on my taint
Found the puke drawer
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
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