I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
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