this beer tastes like vomit already
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Randomize