I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
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Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
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Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
I'm sobbing to NWA
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
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