He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
there is glitter all over my balls
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