Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
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