ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
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