i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
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