you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
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We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
Also, beer. Big fan.
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A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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