Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
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The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
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