I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
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