So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
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