I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
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you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
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I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
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