An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
Randomize