Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
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He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
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Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
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