it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
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Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
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Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
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