Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
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You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
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