he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
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