They should really pass out barf bags in church
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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