STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize