did you get engaged???
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
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