You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
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