And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
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