Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
Randomize