Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
Randomize