are you wasted or are you getting laid?
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wow
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
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so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
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Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
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