Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
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