I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
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