theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize