dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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