He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
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They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
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Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
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