Little spoons don't ask big questions
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
Randomize