i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
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