hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
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i would one night stand the shit outta him
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
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You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
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