i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
Did you just see the Batmobile???
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
Randomize