dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
Randomize