you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
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