hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
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