K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
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I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
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