I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
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