hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
I need a burrito and a hug.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
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