woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
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