you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
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