I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
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