He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
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