Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
can u get pink eye on your cock?
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
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