the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
Randomize